Okay I’m looking at my orientation schedule and it’s again hitting me that there’s so much left to do and I’m nervous and freaking out and going to cry.
Just realized two of my absolute best friends leave this week. I can’t even.
Wtf is up with my sleep schedule and why does my body hate me.
I need to fill out surveys and buy books and figure out schedule issues and buy an OPass.
I want to finish packing but I just cleaned everything and I really don’t want to make a mess again yet.
Time to stop being technologically illiterate and figure out how to use my Nexus and Ti-nspire and that weird recording pen.
And I need to pick pictures for the frames for my dorm room and collages but I don’t want to look through them right now because I’m a big emotional baby
Am I allowed to use my new credit card yet or…
I would really like some Chinese food now.
Boyfriend comes home tonight and daddy comes tomorrow yayayay.
And I get to see my friends tomorrow (: before they leave :(
Can I please just have another two weeks?!
Ambivalence is taking over. My past, my future, and whatever is up with this present. My forbidden envies, blasphemous aspirations, forlorn regrets, deranged secrets, and ravished delusions are coming to surface and leaving me in a state of peril. Never have I ever been this overcome with troubled emotions. I’ve entered a realm of solitude in even the most crowded of places. I’m just not at peace with myself. I need to get out of this place.
When you feel too much for much too long, you eventually become numb. Your body becomes languorous and your mind enters a realm of disillusionment. All emotion drifts away as apathy and suppression ravage your soul. Chains of emptiness suffocate your senses as a hollow heart overrides your every thought, your every action. Detachment runs rampant. Feeling battles the restraints of torpor as a sort of eerie peace consumes your being. It is here that you enter a state of merely existing. It is here that I reside.
July 7th - Aunt fly in from Texas, spent the day with family
8th - Dance all morning, family time all night
9th - Legitimately shopping all day
10th - Lots of JHU work all day, spent the night in watching Big Bang Theory
11th - Doctor’s appointment all morning, the lunch and mall with boyfriend. Family dinner at Chand Palace
12th - North Bergen all morning, Taco Bell then Archie’s house with Saurabh, Archie, and Ronak. Dance all night
13th - Attempting productivity during the day, party tonightttt