“But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.”—The Bridge of San Luis Rey, Thorton Wilder
I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of crying my eyes out for absolutely no reason. Nothing is wrong, I don’t understand. I feel as though my entire life is collapsing down onto me, and I can’t find the strength within myself to hold it up. I’m sitting here, watching one of my favorite shows, and suddenly I feel a knot form in my stomach, my head starts pounding, and my heart sinks. And then come the waterworks. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. There’s no reason to either. My mom’s blasting music in the next room, Saurabh just texted me telling me he loved me, and I was just on the phone. What is wrong with me ? Who am I ? I used to be that girl. The one who never cried because it showed weakness. The one who never let anyone get to her because no one else’s opinion really mattered. The one who never allowed anything to bring her down, who was always laughing or smiling. The one whose ringtone was “Miss Independent” in her friend’s phone. In two years, I’ve been broken. I’m an emotional mess and I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m falling apart, and there’s nothing I can do about it.